You shouldn't anthropomorphize robots. They don't like it.
- Unknown

And computers are getting smarter all the time: scientists tell us that soon they will be able to talk to us. (By "they" I mean "computers": I doubt scientists will ever be able to talk to us.)
-Dave Barry

At New York's Kennedy airport today, an individual later discovered to be a public school teacher was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a setsquare, a slide rule, and a calculator. At a morning press conference, Attorney General John Ashcroft said he believes the man is a member of the notorious al-gebra movement. He is being charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.

Actually this is just a place for my stuff, ya know? That's all, a little place for my stuff. That's all I want, that's all you need in life, is a little place for your stuff, ya know? I can see it on your table, everybody's got a little place for their stuff. This is my stuff, that's your stuff, that'll be his stuff over there.

"When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity."
- Albert Einstein
News Chronicle, 14/03/1949

"One cannot conceive anything so strange and so implausible that it has not already been said by one philosopher or another."
- Rene Descartes

Computer scientist Arthur Boran was ecstatic. A few minutes earlier, he had programmed a basic mathematical problem into his prototypical Akron I computer. His request was simply, "Give me the sum of every odd number between zero and ten." The computer's quick answer, 157, was unexpected, to say the least. With growing excitement, Boran requested an explanation of the computer's reasoning. The printout read as follows: THE TERM "ODD NUMBER" IS AMBIGUOUS. I THEREFORE CHOOSE TO INTERPRET IT AS MEANING "A NUMBER THAT IS FUNNY LOOKING." USING MY AESTHETIC JUDGEMENT, I PICKED THE NUMBERS 3, 8, AND 147, ADDED THEM UP, AND GOT 157.

Alice laughed. "There's no use in trying," she said: "one can't believe impossible things."
"I daresay you haven't had much practice," said the Queen. "When I was your age, I always did it for half-an-hour a day. Why, sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast."
- Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland

The following is a telephone conversation between a hotel guest and room-service operator, at a hotel in somewhere in Asia. The call was recorded and later published in the Far East Economic Review. It's amazing, you will understand what 'tendjewberrymud' means by the end of the conversation.

There is the old story of the mathematician who spent hours
examining a set of mathematical derivations that a colleague had written on the blackboard. When his colleague entered the room, the mathematician turned and said "You're right; it is obvious."
- Source unknown

Those are my principles, and if you do not like them, ... ... well, I have others.
- Groucho Marx

One of my favorite comedians is Steven Wright. His unique and quirky style of seeing and expressing the commonplace tickles that same place in my mind associated with creativity. Some may consider his one-liners only slightly superior to puns on the evolutionary ladder of humor, but even though they all a little off, they're wright to me.

Google: Steven Wright